My misadventures with faith

Atheism - is it a faith or just another identity that is finding lot of takers today, or is it simply a refuge for many a hypocrite? Maybe you can see the wry smile tinged with contempt in the first sentence. But it has nothing to do with my opinion regarding atheism or atheists, but it is more aimed at those guys who enroll themselves under an ideology just to look cool. This unprovoked remarks were triggered off when I saw an old friend (who had always wanted to look cool) of mine flaunting his new found faith. But I know that, on the day of examination he'll be there in front of the temple, waiting for divine intervention. So is it all about just looking cool, or is there more into it?

From the days that I can remember, I'd been taught to pray to god. I did that quite diligently, with every compliment for being a pious boy, from every quarter fueling my devotion. I always enjoyed the envious look of the parents of my not so religious friends. In that age, god was a friend, to whom I used to pray for all the good things in life. The discussions usually contained only requests for the good things that I wanted from him . I quarreled with him when things didn't go the way I wanted, despite my best of efforts in bribing him with the greed of some offering or the other and I did love him when I got what I wanted.

But, with the advent of reason and rational thought, I started doubting the fidelity of my friend; in fact I'd doubts even about his existence. When I was old enough to understand the misery that I'd seen around and the reason behind that, the concept of God appeared foolish. Moreover all the violence that I see around can be attributed to the religion that all the gods created. So is God just a non entity, meant only to divide? But if it's so, why is such a big divisive force being patronized so vigorously, sometimes devotion bordering on insanity. It all seemed like a confused meddle. But deep down I knew one thing – just because something is not known to me doesn't mean that it's absent. The fallacy regarding the exaggerated bragging about resolving all the secrets of nature can be understood, when even learned scientists admit that they'd never been able to unlock even 1% of the secrets of nature.

But I never got some answers myself. Why is it that people try to propitiate gods? Religions have always divided people, then why so many religions with so many gods? If God is somebody who can control everything and if even a leaf can't flutter without his permission, aren't we just puppets dancing to some recorded tune, just enacting our roles as per his script? Can he be such a sadist? Can he be such egoistic an entity to say that every being on earth must respect him and those who won't bow before him is reserved of a place in hell. If its so, God is no better than humans. But since that cannot be the case, these religious books must be misleading. But my attempts at understanding god turned out to be even more confusing.

It was at this moment that I found the works of Swami Vivekananda and nuggets of wisdom from Ramakrishna paramahamsa. This is when I understood the need to take god beyond the purview of human emotions. Any attempt at understanding him the way we understand a fellow human will be a big folly. From the bits and pieces of knowledge that I could garner, I tried to create my image of god. The loving, all forgiving entity much beyond the purview of human thought. As said in Quran , it is the god who bestows all fortunes on humans, but it is the human actions that recoils and results in his misfortune. A rather judicious mix of rationality and mysticism, but it did answer my questions.

I felt it is tougher to practice atheism,rather than brag about being a believer. Because, in tough times, for a god fearing man, there is solace in the feet of lord, there is hope for a divine intervention, a ray of hope. But for an atheist, he has to traverse the journey alone, finding strength from the depths of his mind against all the currents. (Courtesy: Why I am an atheist by Bhagat Singh) He can hope for no miracle, but have faith on a direct result between action and result. But if he is capable of that, if he has such a huge power in his mind, he did attain the highest level of mind. & maybe in that case, both atheists & believers are moving towards the same goal.

But the aforesaid fact explains why we need a religion and why godless religions don't find a firm footing amongst the masses. Even now when I still don't have a clear picture of god, I think of the futility of the purpose as I can go no better than what the great philosophers had gone. The quest to understand god will continue unabated, and will throw up some answers, the same way the blind men learnt about the elephant. It all comes down to what Nietzsche had said "there is nothing like truth, its all point of view". What people with sad visages say is found ready acceptance. Silence is taken for wisdom and respect given for all those things that cannot be understood.

Atheism is not a philosophy for the weak hearted. Even when things may appear bizarre, you have to continue believing in your rational thought. Unless one accepts and respect the power in self, a person cannot call himself an atheist. But, despise god only when you can explain and understand the power that makes the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening, or when you can explain the power that makes a gigantic tree from a minute seed or when you can replicate the power with which life is given to every being on earth or when you can replicate the power that makes the flower blossom with time.

Why Akhil Kumar was the best Indian athlete in Beijing 2008

Maybe Akhil Kumar is just a Beijing Olympics boxing quarterfinalist for trivia specialists and a braggart for sports pundits, but for me, he was the best athlete in the Indian contingent. Even in defeat, he had inspired his countrymen. He had done his job. For me, he personifies josh, he personifies dreams, he personifies what dreams are made of, he personifies humility and the magnanimity to take defeat in the stride. His Mohammad Alisque talk will always rankle in my ears.

Is it just Akhil’s over(?)confidence that made me say so or, is my confidence something that stems out of his one time win over the world champion, which can even be just a fluke. The answer is an emphatic no. Nobody who had followed his performance and career closely will disagree with me. Even when I’ve heard a lot many times Dr Kalam exhorting Indians to dream, I never quite imbibed the real meaning. But after the bout with world champion Sergey Vodopyanov, when the Akhil said “Dreams are not what you see in your sleep, but they are those things that won’t allow you to sleep”, it meant enlightenment for me. It is the biggest secret of success with no better way to be divulged. Even before the bout, he’d said “I’m not at awe about the world champion, I too want to become a world champion”..and lo, he did it! . He did the unexpected, leaving the world champion in tears. I still vividly remember the whole bout, when I was finding it hard to hold one cup of tea in my trembling hands, Akhil fought back, finding an opportunity in the face of adversity, keeping himself moving by the hunger to succeed. What else can explain the magical revival from being down 2-6 to 9-9 at the end of the bout. Throughout the match, the hunger to succeed wrought all over his face was hard to ignore and I can doubtlessly say that it was the best ever Independence Day gift for me.

Even when the nation was showering him with accolades amongst hopes of first ever boxing gold, he said “If I can defeat a world champion today, I may lose to a novice tomorrow. It is unpredictable. If I happen to lose midway, don’t forget me”. To me, this explains a champion. Even when the intoxicating smell of success filled his veins, he never allowed it to blur his vision. He accepted the greater truth.. even greater is the fact that he walked his talk. When the hopes of a billion people came down crashing, he went and congratulated his opponent with a wry smile that explained it all. It was at this moment that I decided “This is what you call a hero. This is what heroes are made of”.

Success is not just in attaining what you dream, its learning to face both the impostors called success and failure with equanimity (courtesy: Rudyard Kipling). For a couch potato, Sportspersons are just glamour heroes or divas (courtesy: Yelena Isinabyeva), but for a sportsperson, it’s all sweat, blood, guts and then glory. I understood the pangs of a boxer only when the Asiad gold medalist boxer Dingko Singh’s voice cracked when he recollected that the 10 or 15 years of hard work and struggles are for the 8 minutes in the ring, when all the eyes are transfixed on you, all hopes of a billion people are pinned on you. You get beaten up, you get cuts all over your body, you are drained mentally, emotionally and physically at the end of the day.. but even then you drag on because something fires you up always..its the lust, the desire of hearing the Indian national anthem being played at the Olympic final amidst the fluttering tricolor. In that stage, there is no room for mercy or sympathy because; history never gives losers a chance to explain. In that gladiator like struggles, if one is successful, he is hailed as the best ever, but if he loses, he is condemned in the dungeons of forgetfulness and apathy. Indian sports are replete with examples of moths singed by the fire of government policies.

Akhil Kumar is a hero not for the bout against the world champion, but for the fact that he led by an example. He demonstrated the power of dreams. He has inspired a generation and at this moment I can proudly say, that whatever heights I conquer, it’d never have been possible if Akhil had not represented India at Beijing. Kudos Akhil, with your attitude, the world is for you to conquer. I know that the Boxing gold in the Bantamweight category in 2012 London Olympics is for Akhil, just because I believe in what Mohammed Iqbal has said

“ Khud ko kar buland itna

Ke har taqdeer se pehle

Khuda bande se pooche

Bata teri raza kya hain”

Akhil personifies the real sportsperson. The wry smile which reflected the equanimity with which he accepted the fact that his 15 years of efforts has gone waste in mere 8 minutes in the bout, will inspire generations to come. With every tear that he might have shed for his motherland, a thousand more Akhils will spring up. He is the new icon of Indian sports, all that represents the resurgent and fearless India, the India that doesn’t fail in looking the enemy in its eyes. He is the hope for the teeming millions starved of an Olympic gold. Its is not for nothing that deep inside I can feel the rumbling of my instinct, that this is not an aberration, but a start of a revolution, just a forerunner of greater events that is to follow.